Look for the GOOD Evidence
Earlier this year I decided to start doing affirmations with my 5-year-old son. He’d been having some behavior challenges at school and home and when he’d get in trouble he would say negative things about himself. As much as I wanted to just tell him to stop and to know that he’s wonderful and worthy of all things good, I know from experience and training that it’s not that easy. As a mom, I also worried that we were starting on this path of negative self talk and inner critic WAY.TOO.EARLY! So what I started doing was getting down to his level, gently putting my hands on his shoulders facing him and asking him to repeat after me, phrases like: “I am important. I am kind. I am smart. I am loved. I am enough.” and would sometimes end it with “I am ticklish!” and a quick tickle would get us both belly laughing. He loves this practice and it made me feel good about myself in the moment but I wasn’t sure if it would make a difference. After a few weeks, one day I had him and his little sister who is 2 years old in the bathroom getting ready for a bath. I stepped outside to go get something and as I was walking back to give them their bath I overheard my son having my daughter repeat after him. He was saying the most beautiful affirmations for her to repeat, new ones even that I hadn’t thought of! I nearly started crying… ok, I did. My eyes welled up with tears of joy and pride because I realized, “it is making a difference!” This, is the GOOD evidence, mama.
Evidence that I am good enough.
When we are stuck in a cycle of thinking we’re not good enough as moms, professionals, women, wives — you catch my drift — we are very good at finding evidence to show we’re right. We’re experts at proving that our inner mean girl is right and we are DEFINITELY not good enough.
- “Our kids don’t listen and we sometimes yell at them… that other kid seems so well behaved, his/her mom must be more patient and doing a better job.”
- “My co-workers stay late and I go home on time, they seem busier than me, their projects or assignments seem to always go better…” Even when you do a good job, you might not give yourself credit for it, because you think to yourself, “I didn’t do my best; I could have worked harder on this.”
- “I’m a hot mess and I should be able to handle all the things like that other woman who always seems to have time to do her hair and make-up, and looks so well put together. She also has kids, so I must not be good enough at this ‘adulting’ thing if I can’t measure up to those standards.”
- “My friend and her husband are so in love! They make sure to go on a date every week and they are so cute together, even in public. Why can’t we be like that? I mean, we love each other but there’s so much stress and at the end of the day I just want to take some time alone. And so does he some times. This proves that I’m not a good enough wife.”
And when we speak these words to ourselves, and think these thoughts, we feed our inner critic and we give it so much credit. We allow it to continue to run these stories in our minds, that we’ve made up somewhere along the way based on pieces of experiences, sometimes traumatic or life changing, and sometimes mundane, that make us feel less than.
How true are these statements? And what would happen if you looked for evidence to the contrary? What would happen if you actually paid attention to all the evidence that shows that you ARE good enough?
I can tell you what would happen. But I don’t think I have to. So I’ll just leave you with this and some encouragement that YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH. You are amazing, actually. You care. You show up. You LOVE so much. So go on… and consider focusing your attention on the GOOD evidence. And see what happens!
I’m here, ready to hold space for you and unpack some of these negative messages and stories you tell yourself, so that you can start opening your eyes to the GOOD evidence. Just hit the CONTACT button or go to WORK WITH ME and schedule a consultation call. You deserve it!
P.S. If you haven’t joined my Judgment Free Mama Zone on Facebook, you’re welcome to! The group is called The Joy Village and we’d love to have you! CLICK HERE TO JOIN.